If you just looked at me, sitting as I was about 2 minutes ago, you wouldn't know. Eyes closed, head on hand, looking sleepy, sitting cross-legged in front of a warm heater, completely still. Warring factions raged, one side urging for no good reason a trip to the kitchen with mouth open and hands outstretched to grab and scarf...one side yelling about weakness, fat, health, beauty, sexiness...one side sitting quietly and rocking rocking rocking, unable to stop the war and unable to get past it, unable to understand the urge and barely hanging on to control the impulse to let that side win yet again.
Which is where this blog comes into play. Somehow putting this into the public but anonymous blogosphere is a fourth force - pulled me up from the crouch, snapped the head around of the kitchen brigade, stopped the little girl from rocking, and silenced the chorus of worry/concern/self-loathing/failure.
So that's why I'm here. It's becoming clearer to me - the tool that is different enough from the programs, new enough to motivate, familiar enough to be comfortable.
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