insight

My friend(s), it's been awhile, but I have just had an insight due to the eternally wonderful conversations with my friend MBW.

I am not not NOT good at drafts, at having to struggle to do stuff. I don't like to work, though I am trying hard to instill a work ethic in my son - I rather rely on my talent and lean heavily on it. So, for example, I do occasionally preach at my church, and for those I am also in charge of the bulletin (the order of worship, picking out group prayers and hymns and stuff). The bulletin I do get done early because of a deadline, so it's usually done on Monday or Tuesday at the latest.

But the sermon...well, here I abuse my talent and fall back on bad ways. Unless I have to work from a text not chosen by me, I tend to wait until the day before or the day of - I write notes, an outline, and then do extemporaneous style on it at church and fly by the notes. This calls on all my ability to relate to the congregation, to speak slowly but not too slowly, and to remember the direction I'm going...and at this point, it works.

BUT. But I know that this is untenable for the future - there will come a time when I need the SKILL of referencing, of note-taking, of rhetoric, and at this point I'm relying on inborn TALENT (such as it is) to get me through.

But you know what? I HAVE NO TALENT FOR WEIGHT LOSS. None. OBVIOUSLY. This is the issue! I'm trying to rely on some inner well of ability that just ain't there, and it's biting me in my big jiggly ass.

So what to do about that, now that I know? It's not enough to admit there's a problem - I gotta DO SOMETHING about it. I have the tools to do something - so I need to pull out my research skills, my reading and working skills, and get this show on the road.

This is the hard part - at the same time that I'm pulling them out, I'm having to develop them - wish me luck.