sitting in a cafe...

Now THIS, my friend(s), this is the life - a laptop, a cup of coffee, and thou. Okay, thou in this case is me and perhaps you other two people, but if it's a letter to myself it's being written in a wonderful locale...let's hear it for wi-fi!

I have hormonal sadness today, and of course feeling fat doesn't help it at all. I will be going to Heather's House of Pain today, and as I said last night I'm getting more and more stamina and ability to do all the video, so that's a good thing and will surely help my affect. But oy, this journey is loooooooong and bumpy. I am feeling the muscle building up under the fat, which is good. I know muscle burns more fat, so I know I'm doing long-term work to help maintain my body once it's in shape. But I fervently and irrationally wish I could poof myself into a skinny body, oh, AND that all my favorite food would magically become nonfattening and still taste as good as it does with all the fat. Dammit.

So another line of thinking - what is it that makes us, ALL of us, skinny and fat, not like our bodies? I have a good and dear friend who I witnessed walking to the door in a tank and loose fitting pj's, and she could NOT have looked cuter or thinner and in great shape (not emaciated, that is), and yet I know she wishes her butt were different and worries about her fat. WHAT THE HELL is that about? Not cussin on her - cussin on a society that would somehow convince this beautifully proportioned woman that she's got issues! If I looked like her, I'd be naked or minimally clothed at all times of the year, and that's the truth...but she still thinks of things as not quite good enough.

So, to anyone who comes here to read - let's try to remember, under all the anguish of our weight issues, that we are not alone - even our skinny pals have some hurt somewhere about their bodies, which is a sucking shame.