Hmm. This whole thing is just an adventure in brain-tease. Breakfast and lunch went pretty well, but then afternoon snack came and bam, half a glass of chocolate milk. Now here's the thing - I have to be learning how to be in the real world, as my cousin would say, the world of "the rest of my life." In the rest of my life I DO want to sometimes have a glass of chocolate milk! But should I have it now, in these early times of this endeavor??
My pal who is walking this walk with me is M, and she is wonderful. We meet once a week to discuss body issues, both negative (weight and concerns therein) and positive (sex and spouses and sex with spouses), and religion, and faith (note that these CAN be separated!), and whatever the hell else comes up. I love her dearly! She will figure greatly into this next year, because she has figured so prominantly in my weight-loss...what, discussions? questions? explorations? crazy crap?...journey, I guess I'll say. OY.
Someday I'd like NOT to have to think of what I'm doing as a f-ing journey. Faith journey. Weight loss journey. Parenting/marriage/friendship/blah blah blah...Can I just BE THERE instead of being on some fking JOURNEY???
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
oneoneonehundred day one: March 30, 2008
Thus does a long journey begin with a single step. No momentous event, no last straw breaking my back - just a decision, a culmination of so many MANY moments and thoughts and facts and and and...
Today, March 30, I declared to my most wonderful husband and my most wonderful only kid that I need to lose 100 pounds. Yes, it's true, I said to my husband's (much appreciated) questioning look. I didn't tell him, but I'll tell all you strangers out there - 251.8 as of yesterday evening. At 5'6", this makes my BMI well-over 40, and according to my scale I'm at 48% fat. FORTY-FREAKIN-EIGHT PERCENT BODY FAT!!!!!!!!!!
Let me now say - I love Jesus, I accept him as my lord and savior. I actually work for a church as a youth director. And I cuss a blue streak - I do control it with the youth (about 90% of the time), but I will not be controlling it here. I don't want to be a stumbling block for you if that offends you, so please feel free to stop reading now. If, however, you can handle it, then I invite you to read on!
Where was I - oh yeah - WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!! (See, I don't HAVE to cuss, I just do sometimes, I can handle just using abbreviations.) So that wasn't really the straw either - just that combined with bigger pants, 41 years of age, sore back, sore feet and ankles, worry about blood pressure, and a million other things brought me to this day. Those million other things will reveal themselves.
Why blog it out? Maybe some of you need to read this. I need to write it - I need to put my journey out there, to let others see it, just to bear witness to the journey, as my favorite singer Carrie Newcomer would sing. Don't share if you don't want to. Don't leave mean comments EVER. If you don't like what I've written, then for cryin' out loud STOP READING IT! If you want to share, please do - I'm not a therapist, I can't promise help, only a fellow journeywoman. I can't even promise I'll read your comments - so.
So. It is the first day. Perhaps pictures will be posted. Perhaps behaviors will be logged. I don't know - it's my first blog. But I do know this - I will be on this journey, and you're invited to walk with me or to watch from afar.
Step one...
Today, March 30, I declared to my most wonderful husband and my most wonderful only kid that I need to lose 100 pounds. Yes, it's true, I said to my husband's (much appreciated) questioning look. I didn't tell him, but I'll tell all you strangers out there - 251.8 as of yesterday evening. At 5'6", this makes my BMI well-over 40, and according to my scale I'm at 48% fat. FORTY-FREAKIN-EIGHT PERCENT BODY FAT!!!!!!!!!!
Let me now say - I love Jesus, I accept him as my lord and savior. I actually work for a church as a youth director. And I cuss a blue streak - I do control it with the youth (about 90% of the time), but I will not be controlling it here. I don't want to be a stumbling block for you if that offends you, so please feel free to stop reading now. If, however, you can handle it, then I invite you to read on!
Where was I - oh yeah - WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!! (See, I don't HAVE to cuss, I just do sometimes, I can handle just using abbreviations.) So that wasn't really the straw either - just that combined with bigger pants, 41 years of age, sore back, sore feet and ankles, worry about blood pressure, and a million other things brought me to this day. Those million other things will reveal themselves.
Why blog it out? Maybe some of you need to read this. I need to write it - I need to put my journey out there, to let others see it, just to bear witness to the journey, as my favorite singer Carrie Newcomer would sing. Don't share if you don't want to. Don't leave mean comments EVER. If you don't like what I've written, then for cryin' out loud STOP READING IT! If you want to share, please do - I'm not a therapist, I can't promise help, only a fellow journeywoman. I can't even promise I'll read your comments - so.
So. It is the first day. Perhaps pictures will be posted. Perhaps behaviors will be logged. I don't know - it's my first blog. But I do know this - I will be on this journey, and you're invited to walk with me or to watch from afar.
Step one...
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