yipe...public and family

So here's the thing. It's been 5 months, and the only thing I've lost is 5 months. sigh. and now my darling cousin has her own blog, and I"m going to subscribe to it, and I'm gonna get outed as a fat person to my family.

Yep. They've not noticed until now. raised eyebrow...

I think the thing I fret about or reflect on, depending on my mood, is that folks (read: family at this point) will know that I'm not okay with my looks, and I've been trying to make that my modus operandi - sure, I'm fat, but I don't care. Turns out I DO care, and here's the math: If I care, then I should do something about it. But I don't do something about it, or I ignore it, and so then I look stupid. And I HATE looking stupid!

So what to do, what to do?? The answer, I think, lies in the heart of the issue, which writing this has made me realize: a) I DO care what I look like, despite YEARS of trying not to, and b) it's gonna be hard work to get this body into healthy shape. Not thin, but healthy. And that's just the truth.

So, you readers out there, now you know. I do want to lose weight. I DO have trouble changing my habits. I AM not happy with how I look. But I DON'T want to feel stupid about this battle and the fact that I can't seem to win it. I hope this winter/spring will help - I'm exercising again, and all three of my family are eating better - so you can come with me on this journey, or you can encourage me on it. Those are your two choices! WOO!